Hello, my name is Amy and I fell off the real food wagon last night.
Whilst I started my day with a kale smoothie, and had a small sashimi lunch...I ended the day with wings and beer at Wing Central in the University District. So not only was I deep fried & glazed up food-wise, I was also hangin' with kids half my age. Holla! I'm pretty sure they were down with my "running man" moves. Okay, actually we went to see a concert (that's right, other parents, concerts still go on) so I wasn't exactly out partying with the co-eds. But I did partake in wings and beers and, once the babysitter was paid, probably about a quarter of Gus' birthday cake. Sometimes Betty Crocker's box cake just does the trick. Until you wake up the next morning. The "walk of shame" has a different meaning now than it did in college. I think I fell out of bed this morning around 5:30 and teetered to the bathroom. My body was reacting to my evening of eating debauchery as if it had been getting a deep tissue massage and someone turned on the lights and blasted "Welcome to the Jungle." My typical M.O. would be to mope around the house today, feeling guilty and down on myself. BUT...I'm forgiving myself and starting up again. This morning, Brad and I shared a kale smoothie (which he liked but I did see him in the bathroom mirror saying "I feel like I have leaves in my teeth") and I'm planning out some menus for the next few days. I'm doing some future forgiveness ("body forgive me for the things I am about to do") because we're having a birthday party for Gus on Sunday, which will include two dinosaur-themed cakes, chips, dip, etc. And I'm also throwing Rainey's class Valentine Party next week (cupcakes, cookies, etc). My test will be resisting the batter and icing licks, and keeping the chips & dip to a minimum.
I'm finding it very interesting how much this food journey and the way I eat is connected to my entire life. I've been saying I'm at a crossroads for quite a while now. At some point I need to realize this light is not going to change and I need to make a turn. Being out of work, still wading through grief over losing my dad, and constantly questioning my ability to parent and be a good wife / friend makes me feel like I'm in constant flux. Nothing feels set or organized or really in my grasp.
As I have now officially reached middle age (unless I live to 100, then I won't really be middle age for 9 more years), I finally get that my body is a very important vessel that carries my spirit. Doubts, fears, laughs, loves, goofiness, dreams. So my goal is to pull this ol' bod out of flux, and treat it with respect. Once that happens, my spirit will follow along, settle down and take root. More positive change will start to unfurl, and all chocolate cake moments will be forgiven.
I know...I'm super deep. I think it's the white ginger tea I'm drinking. Is there something in this?