Thursday, March 1, 2012

Hamster Head

I'm getting to an interesting place.  A girlfriend of mine just emailed me about the crazy time she is having right now.  She has a very intense job that is at its busiest right now, she is taking a college class, she is training to run a full marathon and she is raising a couple of kids, running a home, being a wife, etc.  Needless to say, she's got some stress.  It pained me a bit to write back that I was also stressed...from boredom, lack of money, general anxiety and the fact that I have seen all of the "Hoarding" episodes on TLC On Demand. 
However, this morning I have felt like I have been doing some "real" things.  I signed Brad & Gus up for Daddy/ Son soccer, because (to quote myself to Brad) "we need to start getting out there and living a bit."  I applied for a small business license, for my freelance marketing that has no clients.  I called the unemployment office and was on-hold for 14 minutes and got way too into some Steely Dan hold music that I could barely remember why I was calling them.  I checked Facebook about 42 times and browsed the job boards.  I applied for one job that I'm way over-qualified for and one job that I have no business applying for since I don't even understand what some of the qualification requirements mean.  I mean...yes, I love micro electronics and infectious disease control.  I have started reaching out to some "work from home" companies just to get a little added income and to do something.  Ding dong, Avon's calling!  So all of this morning's activities made me feel,  I like that.

Lately, I have found myself about two inches in front of a mirror looking, no, examining my gray hairs.  I am well overdue for some color.  A good inch and a half overdue.  But there's something drawing me to the gray hair.  In one instant I will be lamenting over being in my forties and the next moment I find some weird pride in  the appearance of age.  Like it's a badge of some sort of accomplishment.  I made it!  Just look at my scalp to see all that I have done!  This all, of course, eventually morphs into wondering if I'm not getting hired anywhere because of my age.  Could I really be in that curve that leads you from hip and desirable to out-of-touch and unmarketable? I absolutely know that stress over my age is pointless.  But I have time right now to agonize over not using my twenties wisely.

Shortly, I will meander into the kitchen to make a second batch of chewy granola bars (I'm telling you, my family devoured these!) and attempt a "breakfast cookies" recipe that another friend sent my way.  As I do this, I will think of all of the ways I could make a living by producing healthy foods.  My latest endeavor (in my head) was making, freezing and packaging kale smoothies. They would just be put in a blender with some water and VOILA!  I'm thinking of calling it "What the Kale is in This?" Smoothie Mix.  And there's always my on-going cookbook on eating healthy for your family (also, just in my head) that I narrate as I'm blending up cranberries and dates.   The working title is "How's Your Poop? - And Other Ways to Know You're Eating Healthy".  Still in the development stage.

Someday, I know my brain will slow down and function in the real world again.  I will have focus on tasks and routines, along with some sides of creativity and dreaming.  It feels stressful to have my giant thought-hamster running so fast on his wheel with really nothing in sight.  I think maybe I'm just not motivated enough to have this much downtime.  Of course, follow me in 6 months when I have a full-time job, am raising a family and have, I'm sure, buckets of money we'll need to decide how to spend and I will feel stress over not having enough time to think or be creative or stand in my kitchen and daydream.  Until that time, I have some granola bars to make and a box of L'Oreal's Dark Reddish Brown calling my name.

1 comment:

  1. Hi! Stopping by from MBC. Great blog!
    Have a nice day!